Words of Advice

Words of advice

Advice on advice

NEVER advise people to give advice...

No one wants advice, just confirmation.

Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer but wish we didn't.

Never follow advice unless you know it is credible. (The person posting this will not be responsible for stupid people's stupid actions. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

Advice its self is a suggestion.

If you don't want to follow the advice you are given, don't ask for it!

If advice is given without you asking for it, it most likely means you look like you have no idea what you are doing. Another reason for this is that you started reading this blog.

Most advice comes from the learning of past experiences.

General advice

Do not underestimate stupid people in large groups.

LIVE Take risks, be stupid, make mistakes, and don't be shy.

Try new things. (Half and half with Coca-Cola is good.)

BE YOURSELF do not let other people pressure you to do things.

Don't do drugs.

DO NOT GO ON THE ATKIN'S DIET. This is just a very healthy way to kill yourself.

Everything causes AND cures cancer. It is in the amount of consumption that regulates this.

Do not impulse shop. Plan and then shop.

Tattoos WILL NOT look good when you become old and your old skin becomes loose and sags.

Do not be afraid to express yourself.

It's better to be thought of a fool then to open your mouth and prove it.

Think before you speak.

Breathe before you reply.

Don’t do something that you could not openly tell your future spouse/fiancé.

And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear. And they don't like it.

Automotive advice

The speed limit is an expensive suggestion.

The check gauges light on your dash means that something is wrong with one of your other critical lights.

If your brakes sound like grinding STOP Driving. You need to replace your pads. Do it yourself if you can, you can literally save a hundred bucks.

If you car makes a squealing sound when it first starts, all you need to do is tighten your alternator belt.

If you lock yourself INSIDE the car, pull the handle. If this does not work, then try pressing the unlock button and the pull the handle.

Stop signs in parking lots are suggestions.

Stop signs with white rims are not meant to be followed.

Start slowing down after you're in the deceleration lane. That is what it is there for.

If you're driving only a few miles an hour faster then the guy on your right and someone is tailing you, get over or go faster.

Advice on school

School is expensive. Come on time. Stay late. (Did I just say that?).

You might get one "free" tardy. USE IT, but use it wisely.

Contrary to popular belief, the hall pass was designed to let the student get drinks and pee.

You only fail if you do not try.

Most teachers DO NOT TEACH. The ones who do are amazing.

When a teacher says, "I teach because I love kids." This means "When I was nineteen I made the awful mistake of liking kids I now regret every minute of it."

Do not procrastinate.

FOR GUYS

Questions that start with, "Does this make me look" are not questions they are usually inquiries for the answer, "NO". If this answer comes too quickly it means you don't care this is bad. If the answer comes too slowly then obviously it was hard to answer this is also bad.

Do not ask, "Where would you like to eat?" The answer will be, "Wherever you would like to eat." Or, "I don't care." THEY DO CARE! She really wants you to know where she wants to go. And she wants you to want to go there also.

Taupe is a color. This is surprising I know, but get over it.

Girls expect you to remember important dates REMEMBER them.

FOR GIRLS

FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL assume that all guys are idiots. Assume that they are completely mentally AND physically incapable of picking up "signals". Tell them what you want and when you want it.

If a guy misses a "signal", do not be hard on him just remember that he is an idiot and forgive him. If a guy picks up the wrong "signal", then either you sent him mixed "signals" or he did not pick up on anything and is running on instinct. If the guy picks up on the signal then either he really didn't (he was just lucky) or, he is absolutely, positively amazing and you should tell him that.

Guys do not want to be told that they are wrong. And, YES, everything is a competition. Most guys know when they have done something wrong, even if they don't show it.

PLEASE forgive and forget! Guys will not remember the fight you had five days ago, so, please, do not bring it up in the next fight.

DO NOT expect your husband to put the toilet seat down if you are not willing to put it back up if he asks you to.